(maybe he works at chippendales?)
i mean, we don't get down with less than a twelve pack around these parts, and i think i can speak for my fellow americans when i say a freakin' six pack is for pussies in times as economically disasterous as these. house forclosure is more like a fifth of johnny walker, dude. every day for about six months or so. or, if you plan to get on your feet again and want to save money, a handle of cheap-ass vodka. throw some cranberry in that and your set!
a six-pack? really? come on lady, your husband has a DUI, so i know you folks are putting back more than a sixer up there on main street in wasilla! you said it yourself, the american peeps want to be leveled with, and we want our circumstantial alcholism recognized! haven't you watched celebrity rehab with dr. drew?? or more importantly, busted on MTV? these are your diddly do, hidey ho neighbors, ned flanders! actually, i retract the statement about the dr. drew folks... i doubt they are republicans. one is the former drummer of guns and roses, for christ sake. and the busted kids are too busy giving themselves increasingly debilitating cases of alcohol poisioning, while searching desperately for the girls gone wild van, to claim party affiliation, or to even know there is such a thing.
sorry, i've left the topic completely, which is actually right in keeping with this, my reaction to last evening's vice-presidential "debate." i am only able to use that word in parentheses, folks.
this strange blog post you are reading is all i can muster, after spending much of my time between 9-10:30 pm last evening in a catatonic state, after having been overloaded in the first minute with too many "you betchas" and "darn rights!" and "sure do's!" in that "fargo" voice of hers, coupled with the let-down of joe biden, who as one blogger noted, looked as if he had just smoked a bowl.
at the outset, his ultra-laid back state seemed like it would be a plus. I suspected that joe would just let ol' moosehunter ramble off down the road to complete nonsense while lulling her into a false sense of security. his innocuous smiling would make her feel like she "had him." however, i assumed he would then enter what would normally be the munchies stage of being high, which is when the person in question becomes completely and totally focused on a singular goal, the pursuit of which they execute with near surgical precision, and with no concern for whatever "obstacles" or in this case "dingbat governors" that might be in the way.
usually this means finding the nearest bag of doritos in record time, or concluding that one should use a chopstick to spread peanut butter since there are no clean knives, forks or spoons. but here i thought it might translate into joe biden laying the f-ing smackdown on the hockey mom in one fail swoop, in a culmination of calling out all of the outlandish, retarded and often completely fabricated things that came out of her mouth. she was pitching meatball after meatball, right over the plate. but no, biden just kept grinning and occasionally shooting her the evil eye, which i eventually realized did not indicate that he was getting ready for the delta strike i was hoping for, but rather, finding her amusing and wondering when this would be over so he could get some ring-dings and cheetos. you failed me, joe biden! you failed...
in all fairness, i am assuming he was instructed by the campaign to not go after her total ignoramus routine, since she has been doing a pretty good job of taking that to the streets herself... see katie couric interview, charlie gibson interview, meet and greet with voters at some local burger joint captured on camera phone, etc. etc. etc. but god, i just wanted him to lay into her once, just ONCE... when she finished one of those babbling spells where she sounded exactly like a tenth grader trying to get through their ten-minute oral report on India, which they researched using only the encyclopedia britannica the night before, while their teacher snoozed at the desk and the rest of the class did their homework and talked amongst themselves, i wish he had just said "Excuse me, Gwen, I just want to go back and ask the Governor: What did you just say? Was there a complete, coherent thought in that string of sentences you just gave us, or where you just pulling those out of the air? Can I ask you to explain what you mean by any of that? Any part at all, one sentence? One thought? One phrase? Can you back that up in even a basic, I-understand-these-words-that-are-coming-out-of-my-mouth sort of way?"
actually, for that part, he could have just delivered the speech from the debate at the end of billy madison, or better yet, gwen could have delivered it. that would have been more appropriate.
i orginially intended to just write that little bit about joe six-pack, honestly. but i guess i needed a little more venting. after all, cw and i spent the last hour of that crap display discussing which city in canada we will be the least adverse to moving to if this stupid ho-bag gets elected. i refuse to look at her stupid face and hear her stupid voice for four years, i won't do it. and if the american people are dumb enough(again!) to buy into this craptacular nonsense, then i will get ready to start saying "eh!" and "aboot!" cause i am getting the fuck out of here, eh? i don't even know how you punctuate that.
i know i am overreacting, but it is hard not to, just due to the fact that she is even present in this campaign. this is a complete and total insult to every person in this country. every one, except maybe george bush and co. and that's because they are the same insult. but come on people! let's get this bitch out of here so we will never have to see her again after next month! i want her to crawl back to wasilla and resume drinking and driving with todd, the first dude. that's where she belongs.
oh, and one final thing- if this whole thing becomes a joke on nov. 5th, which i pray with all my heart that it does and crazy ol' moosehunter becomes the stuff of legend, as in "holy crap! remember when the republicans put that chick from alaska on the ticket? that was insane!" then i will forever laugh at her calling sen. biden "joe o'biden" by accident. that shit was hilarious. but right now it is also terrifying.
