do it.

did you go look at that weirdo's book yet? this is what you're missing if you haven't:

This intensive care home-study course is for you if:
You were in a long-term relationship (1+ years)
You were in a short-term relationship (2-6 months)
You were in an "Ultra" short-term relationship (1 week to 1.5 months)
You have kid(s) together
You’re still living together
You work together
You’ve been broken up for a long time (6 or more months); even if you haven’t spoken a word to her since
She cheated on you
You cheated on her
This was a long distance relationship
You’re repeatedly breaking up
She’s telling you that she’s considering dating someone else
She’s already dating someone else
You’re still together but you feel the breakup is just around the corner
And any possible combination of all of the above…

also if you have blonde hair, or brown hair or red hair, if you have blue eyes, brown eyes or green eyes, if you breathe and require food and water to live, and if you haven't even ever had a girlfriend or even a "girl who is a friend" before! act now!

things i discovered today, thanks to the internet.

anyone who has google mail knows that one of the many splendors of dealing with the google empire is that they do things like comb your text for keywords and then provide a sidebar full of ad's that are somehow, in their twisted google minds, related to something you have written. this is actually pretty amusing, especially when you get something totally off the wall. this morning, i wrote kels an email which literally said "let's go wednesday, i am off. love you xo lb". short, sweet, to the point. no hidden innuendo. right? wrong. google seems to think that i am trying to win my ex-girlfriend back. how do i know? because they kindly provided me a link to this fruitcake's book.

link to the fruitcake's book

actually, i have to hand it to this dude. he has made a good old fashioned pass at the fine art of snake oil sales, and done so in quite a creative way... make sure you pick this up, you definitely don't want to accidently do any of the four things that piss chicks off... FOUR? where did he come up with four?

i would list my favorite parts of this advertisment, but they are all my favorite. you will just have to take it in yourself. and don't forget to take advantage of the ridiculous savings! this information is worth thousands of dollars! and he is offering it to you, friend, for only 67. jump on this now.

in related news, did you know there is a dude named kenny chesney? just kidding, we all know that, thanks to renee zellweger's dumb ass. but did you know that he has a song called "she thinks my tractor's sexy"? he has definitely read that dude's book about women. he also, for your information, has a song called "being drunk's a lot like loving you", which i believe he means to be a sincere pass at a love song. interesting. you have to hand it to these hicks, they shock even me sometimes.

oh, and back to the google thing...yesterday they gave me a link for "freemilitaryschools.com" for which the tagline read "kids giving you a hard time? teach them a life lesson." and have more time to drink martinis! holla. that's what i'm saying.

oh, radiohead...

ok, so there is no band cooler than radiohead. i will argue that point proudly across the board. there are many bands that i love, many bands who are great. but radiohead just consistently sets themself apart. that's all there is to it.

this time, they have released their new album, in rainbows, via download on the internet. you are allowed to "pay" whatever you'd like for it. including nothing. so go get it right this second! don't wait! did i mention that it is fucking awesome? oh, well now i have.

thanks radiohead. you rock.

i have been trying to get a little personal memoir project going, but alas, grad school is a lot of work! and naturally, i'm not trying to let the rest of my (social) life pass me by or nothin'... NEVER! so hopefully i will have some forthcoming work soon.

jesus! go get the radiohead! i'm serious! i'm listening to it right now and i can't believe how great it is! wow.

i am really enjoying the fall weather right now, for the week or so that we will have it, before i have to break out the north face and commence freezing my ass off. right now, however, it's hoodie and scarf weather. yum.

ok, i'm gonna go drift off into radiohead land... you wanna be here, believe me. xo.

procrastination saturday

since i am in the business of procrastinating, as i mentioned in a previous post, rather than completing homework assignments, here i am to blog for a minute rather than start my paper. in my own defense, i did just spend about forty-five minutes wrapping up my note-taking. and once i actually write the first sentence, i have no doubt that the paper writing process will pick up considerably. but that first sentence is always a bitch.





so yeah. procrastinating. also, my cat clyde has weighed in on the subject of writing term papers on a saturday afternoon, by laying himself directly across my notebook and commandeering my pen. i tried to tell him i had already spent plenty of time watching television, going food shopping, drinking beer, walking around union square, etc. but he didn't wanna hear about it. saturday homework is for bitches, he says. i guess you're right, clyde.

before i get down to business, i do want to report that they have finished working on first avenue(!) finally... however, not before they messed up and had to re-open the street, making a sound that caused me to inquire of charles williams iii if there were perhaps a monster thrashing around outside the front window that had come to destroy me. hey, that's what it sounded like from where i was sleeping. but it wasn't a monster, and as far as i can (cautiously) tell, they are done with whatever the hell it was that they were doing out there. may they not have to do that again for a hundred thousand years!

ok. paper time. enough messing around.

the babies

i know, i am a crazy cat mom. it's official. but they are cute. and they do cute things. like, all day long... so you know... the camera is there, they are being cute, the internet is so accessible. it all facilitates my bringing their cuteness to you. you can thank me whenever.

thank you, ny mets.

seriously, i cannot take all this fucking noise. it is making my daytime home life a living hell. all i hear is "beep beep beep"(something is always backing up. always.), men whistling and yelling at each other constantly, and that goddamned jackhammer. i know, i know, you're probably just as sick of hearing about it as i am of hearing it, but jesus... i honestly am not sure how much more of this i can take. the weekends have become these sanctuaries of quiet. when monday morning rolls around, it's like, nooooooooooooooooo....



and...cue the chainsaw.



anyhow, to take my mind off of all this, i have been thinking about how great it is that the mets blew it. and boy, did they ever. i couldn't have asked for a more spectacular demise. it's all the city will talk about right now, between mets fans bawling their eyes out (that guy got a lot of press!) and swearing off their team forever, and everyone else just shaking their head at how pitiful the whole thing is. the best part is, no one even has to say anything. the mets did all the talking for us. i couldn't have put it better myself.



and i couldn't have asked for a better end to the regular season. bring on october in the bronx, baby! and for all the haters in the place who are gonna start in about the yanks and how are they gonna beat this team and that team and whatever... i'm just glad we made it, and overcame a serious defecit to do so, with some old fashioned good baseball. feels good....ahhhh.......whatever comes next, i am truly excited.



and then, there's the hut!

i can't wait to see what the hut is gonna do in the postseason!

in fantasy football news, i am now 2-2, and injuries have begun to plague my squad...not good. and since half our league doesn't respond to trade requests, or even pay much attention to their team, i don't have a whole lot of hope for improving my fortunes. i just have to hope that nothing is too serious, and that dudes like bobby engram find the fountain of youth. here's hoping. charles kicked my ass this week, which led me to send him an erroneous text message on monday afternoon claiming that tom brady(his QB) had a rotator cuff injury... his reaction was not as extreme as i had hoped(maybe because he was already beating me handily at that point), but this story does illustrate what i have been reduced to. the dreams weren't bad enough, now i am wasting text messages trying to psych out my boyfriend so that i can feel better about myself for two or three minutes. pretty lame.

is anyone else intrigued by this clarence thomas book? i think i am just fascinated by the fact that he is suddenly(or maybe not so suddenly, but it seems that way to me) angry as hell. should make for an interesting read; definitely better than reading about the britney-k-fed custody battle, at least. and he calls out half the world as racists, which should be fun.

by the way, just to update, whatever they are doing out front right now sounds like they are dumping about 3 tons of metal chain onto the asphalt. and, naturally, yelling, whistling and beeping. just thought you'd like to know. i'd take a pic, but i left my camera at kelli's.

in health news, our computer has a wicked virus. so wicked, in fact, that it knows when you are looking at anti-virus websites online and shuts internet explorer... take that! and it also made short work of the McAfee VirusScan Plus that i purchased yesterday. it scanned it's way right into virus-land. i think it is cloning my d.n.a. right now...

finally, two television shows in the queue right now: the rock of love w/ bret michaels finale(don't tell me who wins!) and the dexter season premiere... as one love dies, another is reborn. and thus, the circle of life. i think elton john wrote that origninally.

i am off to see the mountain goats tonight in brooklyn, which is even better than going to see the wizard of oz, trust me...