did you know?

the hulk is just vin deisel painted green. i mean, duh.

'oh, columbia...'

my sleep cycle has been all screwy for days now; i got home tonight and slept until just now, which means(at 12:56am) that i might be up all night now. but i actually feel as if i could just sleep some more. tired. as. shit.

i'm not happy to have missed my weekly doses of beep ahh fresh and the vinyl cartel on WRIR. not cool. not cool to sleep through the vinyl cartel. part of the reason i was up so late last night/overslept this morning/had to pass the hell out tonight was because i stayed up till 3am listening to nancy lee on the crypt shift(also, obviously, on WRIR). nancy lee is one of those people who's mere existence makes me acutely aware of how cool i will never be. luckily, i get to hang around people who are, in fact, that cool.

i want to get up early and ride my bike around before it gets hot. early is the only chance one has to do anything active here in the southland without risking a health issue(especially one as out of shape as yours truly).

did i already mention the silver jews new one? i think i did, but jees, it's so great, i just think i need to say it again. "how can i love you(if you won't lie down)" makes me want to do some sort of twist-esque dance move. ya just gots to hear it. i think i already linked it somewhere. scroll, people. scroll DOWN.

also, i read a post today from someone who said something to the effect of "come on feel the illinoise!" might just be the most brilliant song ever made for this little moment right now. i have to agree. every time i hear that song i want to choreograph a dance that everyone in the world can do in musical-style instant collaboration, complete with stage props and costumes and stuff. i think if we could make that happen, a lot of things might be different. some peoples head's would explode, for instance. but alot of other people might be really pleased with the results. sufjan's written us the song, now it's just up to us to spontaneously break into a completely choreographed and stage-propped musical number.

busted

so, it's true. i didn't make it to new york to see my brother brain for his birthday. irv is right about the pox...although i am pretty sure my house has already got a pox on it. can you have multiple pox(es)?

the city of richmond has turned off our gas, because they charge so much for the damn stuff that we couldn't pay our bill. luckily it's so hot here in richmond that they are issuing daily health advisories regarding the heat, so i guess if there was ever a time for a cold shower, now is it. maybe there isn't a pox on us after all. or maybe it's just a small pox. oh, yeah, i did.

instead of going to new york, i got some sleep(not enough) and watched the hulk hogan reality show "hogan knows best", which ensured that i won't get good sleep for some time. what a nightmare. i think the only way that show could redeem itself is if the daughter snaps and starts rebelling, shooting up drugs in the bathroom and dating 40 year old men who have adult kids from previous marriages. however, with the hulkster's gravy train ensuring her 13 or so minutes of fame, i don't see that happening. this is what television does to you, people. learn from my mistakes.

i am off to test the limitations of my heat tolerance. there may be a (further) unhinging of my mental stability in the very near future. i shall keep you posted, 'cause after all, that's what this blasted thing is for. posts.

'said i think i'm losing my mind this time, this time, i'm losing my mind'

i don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but i've been motherstinkin cranky boots for the last two days. at least. maybe longer. i can't remember at this point.

i think maybe i've just hit that summer plateau where everything seems infinitely difficult and banal, and i'm just downright sick of walking out of the house and into a sweltering, suffocating humid heat. it's a real downer, man. let's blame my bad mood on that, 'cause i'm too dispondent to delve any further into my issues.

i'm going to n.y. to drink with brain tomorrow, now that he is legal and all. i almost thought about not going, since i needs to watch my financial expenditures, but i think if i don't get the hell out of here, at least for about 36 hours, i may actually be worse off. so i'm going. brain and i need to have some drinks.

so, that was an entire post of me bitching. in fact, that brings me to an interesting side note. one of the caveats of having a sitemeter that tells me how many people visit this site is that it occasionally also tells me what led the viewer here to american circumstance. some of the searches are really funny, and obviously not intended to find this site, but whatever. the latest one however, was from google, and was this: "all in text: bitch 'lauren marie'" i'm sorry, what? is someone calling me a bitch? what the hell is that about? I WILL SMACK YOU IN THE MOUTH. yeah, whatever. who the hell google searches something like that anyhow? who's a bitch? this girl, right here.

have a great weekend, people. i'm gonna see what i can do about the same.

BRAIN IS BIRTHED. AGAIN!!!

OK. first of all. my beloved brother, brain, lord of brainshire, and of my entire universe, is 21. as of 42 minutes ago. and i love him more than i love the blessed air i breathe. this is not an overstatement. happy birthday brainiac the maniac. i am so proud to say that you are my brother, and i will say that any day of the fucking year.

so, one of the songs off the new silver jews record is called 'how can i love you(if you won't lie down). i mean, the silver jews. the silver jews. the song title alone should indicate how great a song it is, but it goes beyond that. said the gramaphone has it for download, so get yo ass over there. jees.


all right. i'm out. love to you, brain. xoxoxoxoxo trust tree 4 life.

more sports guy love

i don't need to tell you how much i love the sports guy. it's a well-known fact. i checked in with him today in the hopes that he would have some commentary on the latest "just manny being manny" ramirez incident that occurred last evening at fenway when manny decided to take the opportunity, during a conference on the mound, to climb inside the green monster via the door that sits next to the scoreboard. he disappeared for a good minute or two, the best part was the announcer, who kept nervously saying "he knows it's not a pitching change right? he's coming back, right?" no doubt, the dude was thinking manny was back there with his pants around his ankles droppin' the kids and reading us weekly or something. it's unfortunate, 'cause if he had taken another 30 seconds to return to the field, the thing would have progressed to everyone starting to look around at each other, puzzled, wondering why there was a gaping hole in left field. just manny being manny.

actually, even better than the announcer was the manny montage on the 11pm sportscenter. they had the clip of him playing left with the poland spring sticking out his back pocket, and the time he slid into second and didn't wait for the play to be over before he stepped off the bag to retrieve his helmet. the second baseman promptly tagged him, as he stood about two feet to the right of second, looking dopey.

so anyhow, the sports guy had no manny, but he did have an article containing the awards below. these three were my faves. especially the lou. did you see him go apeshit last night at fenway? same game as manny getting in the wall. i would almost say i wish i had been there, except that actually entering fenway at this point might cause me to spontaneously burst into flame.



The Robert Blake Award for "Manager Most Likely to Become the Next Robert Blake."

Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Lou Piniella! First of all, how has ESPN not given him a reality TV show this year? Kevin Federline can get a show, Bobby Brown can get a show … why not Sweet Lou? Here we have an irrational, overcompetitive hothead stuck in a no-win situation in an apathetic baseball city, basically crying out for help at this point -- as witnessed by the whole, "I'm going to use relievers to start games and starters to finish them" announcement -- and we don't have cameras following this man? What happens if he kills a beat reporter with his bare hands? What happens if Joey Gathright blows a bunt sign and Lou beats him down with a baseball bat in the runway like DeNiro in "The Untouchables"? If anyone needs a 24-hour camera crew, it's Lou.


The Tom Cruise Needs to Be Taken Down With A Taser Award for "Most Startling Ongoing Story"

What happened to everyone's bullpens? Seriously, what happened? Has there ever been anything like this? The Red Sox are 14 games over .500 and they have one -- repeat, one -- semi-reliable reliever (Mike Timlin). The Yankees' bullpen has been so up-and-down, they actually fired two of the guys last week like they were a TGI Fridays in Westchester getting rid of a busboy and a dishwasher. Baltimore has B.J. Ryan and a cast of nobodies (although I'm still rooting for Jorge Julio to be nicknamed "The Bear"). Texas has John Wasdin as their main setup guy -- the same guy I once nicknamed "The Blair Wasdin Project" on my old Web site. Only Anaheim, Minnesota, Cleveland and Chicago have more than two arms that you would trust in a close game.
Here's how bad things have gotten: On Monday night, I was at a birthday party for my friend Sal. The Red Sox game was on in the background -- they were leading 5-3 in the eighth after yet another Manny homer. Someone said to me, "Looks like your boys have this one in the bag," followed by me saying calmly, "Oh, God no -- we're either blowing this game or it's going extra innings." Sure enough, we lost in the ninth. And I didn't even really blink. That same day, I watched the Yankees make up a two-run lead on Baltimore with a seven-run eighth inning, capped off by Lee Mazzilli being so stunned by Ryan's collapse that he left his star closer in for 45 pitches in all. And this stuff seems to happen multiple times a week throughout the league. No lead is safe -- I can't remember another year where your team could be down by four heading into the ninth and you still felt like they could pull it out.


The Road House: The Musical Award for "Most Underreported Ongoing Story"


This goes to Hideki Matsui's consecutive games streak, which headed into the 1,650's last week (including the Japan league games) -- somehow, I just found out about this in mid-June. Just think, if Matsui's streak could keep going for five more seasons, Matsui could seriously threaten Ripken's record and freak out everyone in the Baltimore area, leading to a barrage of "those Japan League games shouldn't count!" stories and Skip Bayless and Woody Paige potentially fighting to the death on "First and Ten." Plus, Ripken will be haunted by those "I should have kept playing, I never checked the [expletive] Japan leagues to make sure nobody was over 1,000" thoughts -- it could affect his work as head of security on the "Jerry Springer Show."

let's talk about chuck e. cheese, shall we?

the phat phree is freakin' awesome, people, and here is your proof.

the pizza party mystery: a review.

we are all so very screwed, or, farewell, first lady of the high court

does sandra day o'connor look like a woman you'd wanna mess with? i think not.

serious business

first of all, she's mixing patterns and stripes, and doing it unapologetically. what are you looking at? then you have the look: the one eyebrow raised stare sends chills down the ol' spine. do you think that's the "i just watched my corrupt colleagues take a shit on the constitution AGAIN, and i've fucking had it" look? i wouldn't wanna be on the recieving end of it, whatever it is.

sandra day is pretty intimidating, yes, but i think the scariest part of that whole picture is the caption. YIKES. intercom off, people. intercom off.

'and it makes me feel so fine i can't control my brain...'

it's amazing how time can just get away from me...when i look at the date of my last post and then realize that it seems like i wrote that last night, it just drives that point home. too much alcohol is definitely a good part of it. a holiday weekend, boy developments and news craziness basically rounds out the rest. everything else gets jettisoned off to the side somewhere.

for perhaps the very first time ever, i can honestly say i need a vacation. to just zone out for an extended period of time and not have to think about any of the things i think about all day every day lately. stress is rampant.

so is heat. i don't know about this southern thing, man...i am wilting like the northern woman i so inherently am. it's just suffocating down here sometimes. heatwise, i mean.

all right. time to get some sleep. news deadline looms, tomorrow will be a full day as will the one after that, and after that...goodnight.