has anyone else noticed that trash cans on the streets of nyc go on fire rather often? or is this just my fire marshall alter-ego speaking? seriously, in my time in nyc(all of it) it's not really very shocking anymore to see one of those wire trash cans on fire on a random street corner. had it been my street corner, perhaps i would have called the fire department. but it was across the street and up one block, so i think we're ok.
i live above a bakery. i believe i mentioned this in the initial "we have a fucking apartment, goddammit, thank you god, sorry about saying 'goddammit'" post. anyhow, do you realize what this means? it means that it smells like delicious baked goods in my apartment at all times. especially in the middle of the night, when, apparently, they are preparing all of the delicious baked goods for the morning. i am about to be a great big fat person. name the movie that 'great big fat person' comes from. i will give you twenty dollars, or a napoleon from the bakery. their napoleons are the best i have ever had, and you had better believe i know about such things.
i'm off to make a playlist for charles to download to his(rather impressive) psp. that thing is no joke.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
even snipers drive to work.
no, i'm not kidding. you know how everybody's in town for the u.n. general assembly? well, yesterday during lunch, a white suburban pulls up on 45th street, which has been closed off all week, and four guys in black get out. then they go to the back, unload all their gear, which includes four sniper rifles(ok, they were in bags, but they were sniper rifles. i'm serious.) and a whole bunch of other stuff, and then walk off single file, all covert and shit, headed for whatever roof they are about to perch on. red team go. i've always wanted to be a sniper. brain and i, that's what we were going to be. brother and sister snipers. ah...plans.
anyhow, i was reading kels post on the mole people and it made me think about this special on showtime that we watched on sunday, where the producers of this documentary give this homeless guy 100,000 dollars and then follow him around to see what happens. it was really fucking sad...charles and i speculated disaster before watching, but when he first gets the money it seems as if maybe it won't be so bad. wrong. within six months, he has blown almost all of it, on both the ridiculous and on earnest, yet misguided, attempts to do what i assume he thinks people with money do with it when they have it. it was really, really sad. and personally, if found it a wee bit irresponsible of the people who made the show, but i guess that's arguable.
watching that, along with all the other crap i have watched lately, has made me wonder if reality television has crossed one of those fine lines that it has been destined to cross since it solidified its stranglehold on the world a few years ago...obviously it is an ever changing and growing entity, and like myspace, it's affect on humanity will not be known for many years to come, but when all is said and done, i would like it to be noted that i fortold of its eating us alive like a cancer. in that vein, i will now present my list of the reality shows that are currently paving the road to the utter destruction of our usefulness as a people. in no particular order. i can't, i just can't.
1. Survivor: Cook Islands.
pretty fascinating...they've finally gone and seperated the contestants by race, which anyone with any forsight at all who's read any ray bradbury or george orwell saw coming a mile away. this could go a ton of different ways, but it's really not about what happens on this Survivor. it's about the precedent that this will set, and the ideas that will spring from it.
2. My Super Sweet Sixteen.
life is devoid of all meaning. the only thing of any consequence is a lavish party at which there will be thousands of people you don't know, which will end by eleven thirty, effectively making the cost equal thirty to forty thousand dollars an hour for the whole affair. it is thrown in your honor for the very unnoteworthy accomplishment of turning 16, and at the end, a ridiculously expensive car is presented to you, despite the fact that you cannot yet drive. please hurry up and get pregnant/develop your heavy drug habits/start accumluating dwi's...there isn't going to be much else of note.
3. the fabulous life of...
so far as i can tell, this isn't so much a show as it is a long list chronicling the extravagant spending habits of people who have so much money that everyone in africa could wipe their ass with it for six months and still not make a dent. it seems to be designed to elicit similutatenous sensations of disbelief, nausea and utter desensitivity. i imagine that killing sprees are born of this show.
4. the flavor of love
um, watching anyone, even the busted-ass skanks he has assembled on this program, kiss flavor flav is one of the most horrific things i have ever seen with my own eyes. it seems it would be like kissing a dumpster. except with wrinkles and stuff. but that's not even the issue. the issue is, what the fuck is the point of this show? what are these wretched excuses for women trying to win? what do they stand to gain? i'm not sure there is any endgame here. and the names he gives them, good lord... for anyone with even a rudimentary grasp of the english language, it's like being stabbed with a rusty shiv every time one of their names flashes across the screen.
5. bridezillas.
i mean, we've all been to weddings. isn't that enough, that we've seen this happen in person? it's not like the bridezilla is something most people haven't encountered. if you know anyone who has gotten married, more than likely you've already had all the bridezilla you need. it's not really very interesting, to see a woman lose all sense of herself and others in the empty pursuit of wedding-dom. kinda like the sweet sixteen, it's just a day. and then, thankfully, it's over.
all right, i've embarrassed myself enough with my television knowledge. you can all see how very far i have fallen off that high horse i used to ride smugly upon...you know, the one from which i used to brag about how i didn't even HAVE television. those were the days. they really were. and if there was a god, he would design a fucking cable package that only contained the espns, yes network, comedy central and cartoon. but there is no god, people. nada.
non-sniper-nor-tv-related update: our living room is now orange. bedroom, green. dining room will soon be some shade of dark red...maroon, burgundy, something. and the bathroom will be gray. the new apartment is cool as hell, and i must once again extoll the virtues of first avenue. it might sound ridiculous, but i like it a lot more than i like third. it's just got it's own thing going on, and i like it. i think it suits me.
anyhow, i was reading kels post on the mole people and it made me think about this special on showtime that we watched on sunday, where the producers of this documentary give this homeless guy 100,000 dollars and then follow him around to see what happens. it was really fucking sad...charles and i speculated disaster before watching, but when he first gets the money it seems as if maybe it won't be so bad. wrong. within six months, he has blown almost all of it, on both the ridiculous and on earnest, yet misguided, attempts to do what i assume he thinks people with money do with it when they have it. it was really, really sad. and personally, if found it a wee bit irresponsible of the people who made the show, but i guess that's arguable.
watching that, along with all the other crap i have watched lately, has made me wonder if reality television has crossed one of those fine lines that it has been destined to cross since it solidified its stranglehold on the world a few years ago...obviously it is an ever changing and growing entity, and like myspace, it's affect on humanity will not be known for many years to come, but when all is said and done, i would like it to be noted that i fortold of its eating us alive like a cancer. in that vein, i will now present my list of the reality shows that are currently paving the road to the utter destruction of our usefulness as a people. in no particular order. i can't, i just can't.
1. Survivor: Cook Islands.
pretty fascinating...they've finally gone and seperated the contestants by race, which anyone with any forsight at all who's read any ray bradbury or george orwell saw coming a mile away. this could go a ton of different ways, but it's really not about what happens on this Survivor. it's about the precedent that this will set, and the ideas that will spring from it.
2. My Super Sweet Sixteen.
life is devoid of all meaning. the only thing of any consequence is a lavish party at which there will be thousands of people you don't know, which will end by eleven thirty, effectively making the cost equal thirty to forty thousand dollars an hour for the whole affair. it is thrown in your honor for the very unnoteworthy accomplishment of turning 16, and at the end, a ridiculously expensive car is presented to you, despite the fact that you cannot yet drive. please hurry up and get pregnant/develop your heavy drug habits/start accumluating dwi's...there isn't going to be much else of note.
3. the fabulous life of...
so far as i can tell, this isn't so much a show as it is a long list chronicling the extravagant spending habits of people who have so much money that everyone in africa could wipe their ass with it for six months and still not make a dent. it seems to be designed to elicit similutatenous sensations of disbelief, nausea and utter desensitivity. i imagine that killing sprees are born of this show.
4. the flavor of love
um, watching anyone, even the busted-ass skanks he has assembled on this program, kiss flavor flav is one of the most horrific things i have ever seen with my own eyes. it seems it would be like kissing a dumpster. except with wrinkles and stuff. but that's not even the issue. the issue is, what the fuck is the point of this show? what are these wretched excuses for women trying to win? what do they stand to gain? i'm not sure there is any endgame here. and the names he gives them, good lord... for anyone with even a rudimentary grasp of the english language, it's like being stabbed with a rusty shiv every time one of their names flashes across the screen.
5. bridezillas.
i mean, we've all been to weddings. isn't that enough, that we've seen this happen in person? it's not like the bridezilla is something most people haven't encountered. if you know anyone who has gotten married, more than likely you've already had all the bridezilla you need. it's not really very interesting, to see a woman lose all sense of herself and others in the empty pursuit of wedding-dom. kinda like the sweet sixteen, it's just a day. and then, thankfully, it's over.
all right, i've embarrassed myself enough with my television knowledge. you can all see how very far i have fallen off that high horse i used to ride smugly upon...you know, the one from which i used to brag about how i didn't even HAVE television. those were the days. they really were. and if there was a god, he would design a fucking cable package that only contained the espns, yes network, comedy central and cartoon. but there is no god, people. nada.
non-sniper-nor-tv-related update: our living room is now orange. bedroom, green. dining room will soon be some shade of dark red...maroon, burgundy, something. and the bathroom will be gray. the new apartment is cool as hell, and i must once again extoll the virtues of first avenue. it might sound ridiculous, but i like it a lot more than i like third. it's just got it's own thing going on, and i like it. i think it suits me.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
john vanderslice and the...
it's been quite some time since i was in the presence of cable television on a regular basis, and even longer since i was in the presence of the time-warner cable on-demand madness package, but now i find myself with a screen full of our modern condition, and i can't help myself. i am drawn to the horror.
so many of my sentances of late have started with something like, "so, have you seen that show with the midgets where they make them date some girls moms and then get jobs emptying port-o-potties while securing a spot in flavor flav's heart?" i need fucking help, yo.
yesterday i interrupted the normal fare for about forty-seven hours of college football. which is a marked improvement, although i saw the same commercials so many times that i now have some car commercial theme stuck in my head. the streets of tommorrow are paved with good intentions. kinda like the road to hell.
anyhow. in the way of bright spots, we have our new orange living room, and our soon to be green bedroom. and our apartment in general. kicks ass.
also, i happened by the john vanderslice website this morning and found this, his list of potential band names. my boy went to work on this one, friends. he has great band names to last through the next ice age. jv forever!
MOUNTAIN GOATS NEXT SUNDAY!!!!!! i'm so excited, i can't even think too much about it 'cause then i'll want it to be right now.
i've been toying with the idea of changing up the blog and specializing...one idea is to make it a blog purely about my daily slog through the mire of waitressing. i don't know, it just seems kind of formless at this point. i guess that's because i'm boring, though.
oh, before i go...one quick story. i think we're all familiar with the modern classification of the socially inept pack-rat, who is now the rabid e-bay consumer. you've seen the oprah where the dude in iowa has filled his single-story ranch house with e-bay-purchased-chotchkies and bulk-packaged vhs tapes. we know the market exists for the person who wants to buy up a supply of nonsense and unleash it upon these poor saps. they'll buy it, and fill rooms with it. soon, their morbidly obese children will no longer be able to move through the house without spelunking over the mounds of ups packages. i digress.
anyhow, a couple of weeks ago, i won a three dollar ebay auction to re-purchase my beloved plankton watch that my ex-dog, killa cali, ate(along with just about everything else we owned at the time). directly after winning said three-dollar auction, we entered the thick of the apartment finding/lease signing/moving frenzy. and sending the money order off to middle america slipped my mind for a few days. the chick emailed me, reminding me that they hadn't received payment(after like, four days) and i wrote back, explaining that we had just moved and apologizing, but assuring her that i would send it. thursday(a week and a day after winning the auction) i get an irate email from this nutball, claiming that i have stiffed her and that if my money isn't there tomorrow, i WILL RECEIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. um, settle down? it's THREE DOLLARS, and it's ON IT'S WAY. it was all i could do to not curse this freakshow out. sure enough, the next day there is negative feedback on my ebay account, making me out to be some sort of professional ebay scam artist who will take any unsuspecting ebay seller for all they are worth(three dollars). seriously, someone is in desperate need of a life. i may have to send that nasty email, just because i can't slap her in the mouth. crazy fucking people, man.
i understand that they have to be somewhat vigilant about how people conduct themselves on ebay, but for christ sake, it's been one week and it's a three dollar auction for a plastic watch. it should not be such a federal case. the moral? watch out for ebay losers, they will ruin your good ebay name. and if you find that you have filled an entire room in your single-story ranch house with goods purchased from ebay, seek help. immediately.
so many of my sentances of late have started with something like, "so, have you seen that show with the midgets where they make them date some girls moms and then get jobs emptying port-o-potties while securing a spot in flavor flav's heart?" i need fucking help, yo.
yesterday i interrupted the normal fare for about forty-seven hours of college football. which is a marked improvement, although i saw the same commercials so many times that i now have some car commercial theme stuck in my head. the streets of tommorrow are paved with good intentions. kinda like the road to hell.
anyhow. in the way of bright spots, we have our new orange living room, and our soon to be green bedroom. and our apartment in general. kicks ass.
also, i happened by the john vanderslice website this morning and found this, his list of potential band names. my boy went to work on this one, friends. he has great band names to last through the next ice age. jv forever!
MOUNTAIN GOATS NEXT SUNDAY!!!!!! i'm so excited, i can't even think too much about it 'cause then i'll want it to be right now.
i've been toying with the idea of changing up the blog and specializing...one idea is to make it a blog purely about my daily slog through the mire of waitressing. i don't know, it just seems kind of formless at this point. i guess that's because i'm boring, though.
oh, before i go...one quick story. i think we're all familiar with the modern classification of the socially inept pack-rat, who is now the rabid e-bay consumer. you've seen the oprah where the dude in iowa has filled his single-story ranch house with e-bay-purchased-chotchkies and bulk-packaged vhs tapes. we know the market exists for the person who wants to buy up a supply of nonsense and unleash it upon these poor saps. they'll buy it, and fill rooms with it. soon, their morbidly obese children will no longer be able to move through the house without spelunking over the mounds of ups packages. i digress.
anyhow, a couple of weeks ago, i won a three dollar ebay auction to re-purchase my beloved plankton watch that my ex-dog, killa cali, ate(along with just about everything else we owned at the time). directly after winning said three-dollar auction, we entered the thick of the apartment finding/lease signing/moving frenzy. and sending the money order off to middle america slipped my mind for a few days. the chick emailed me, reminding me that they hadn't received payment(after like, four days) and i wrote back, explaining that we had just moved and apologizing, but assuring her that i would send it. thursday(a week and a day after winning the auction) i get an irate email from this nutball, claiming that i have stiffed her and that if my money isn't there tomorrow, i WILL RECEIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. um, settle down? it's THREE DOLLARS, and it's ON IT'S WAY. it was all i could do to not curse this freakshow out. sure enough, the next day there is negative feedback on my ebay account, making me out to be some sort of professional ebay scam artist who will take any unsuspecting ebay seller for all they are worth(three dollars). seriously, someone is in desperate need of a life. i may have to send that nasty email, just because i can't slap her in the mouth. crazy fucking people, man.
i understand that they have to be somewhat vigilant about how people conduct themselves on ebay, but for christ sake, it's been one week and it's a three dollar auction for a plastic watch. it should not be such a federal case. the moral? watch out for ebay losers, they will ruin your good ebay name. and if you find that you have filled an entire room in your single-story ranch house with goods purchased from ebay, seek help. immediately.
Friday, September 15, 2006
good things.
kels took my ipod on wednesday and added a ton of new stuff to it. thursday we signed the lease on our new apartment, and i had six hundred new songs to listen to...it was like christmas. seriously...more nada surf, jenny lewis, m. ward, mountain goats, shins, sufjan...it's glorious! riding the subway yesterday was fucking awesome.
and is jenny lewis not the most incredible female voice of the present day? in a dual sense of the term "voice"? i will make that argument all day long. she's playing in town next month...must see that show.
speaking of shows, it's mountain goats time again... october first at bowery ballroom. again, i have ms. kelli "triple word score" crean to thank for that. you rock, kels. i cannot wait for some j.d. action! the only thing i love more than the mountain goats is seeing them live. bad ass.
change is all around me, and in me...new apartments, all sorts of friends moving in to the ny metropolitan area. change is good, and i need to keep the momentum and get myself a new job. working for nitwits, and more importantly, under nitwits, has had it's day for way too long. i have to get the fuck on with it already.
but first, must hook the new apartment up and get settled in our new first avenue home. it's the first avenue, y'all. xo.
and is jenny lewis not the most incredible female voice of the present day? in a dual sense of the term "voice"? i will make that argument all day long. she's playing in town next month...must see that show.
speaking of shows, it's mountain goats time again... october first at bowery ballroom. again, i have ms. kelli "triple word score" crean to thank for that. you rock, kels. i cannot wait for some j.d. action! the only thing i love more than the mountain goats is seeing them live. bad ass.
change is all around me, and in me...new apartments, all sorts of friends moving in to the ny metropolitan area. change is good, and i need to keep the momentum and get myself a new job. working for nitwits, and more importantly, under nitwits, has had it's day for way too long. i have to get the fuck on with it already.
but first, must hook the new apartment up and get settled in our new first avenue home. it's the first avenue, y'all. xo.
Monday, September 11, 2006
bringing the blog back.
i just took a stroll through my archives, and realized that i have become way too lacadasical(holy crap, i have no idea if that is how you spell lacadasical. and i don't have time for a spell check.) in my posting. i vow to move away from these glorified diary posts and back to the good stuff.
oh, and for a good time, check out the comments section from the post about drunken uncle bob and thanksgiving from last year. holla.
oh, and for a good time, check out the comments section from the post about drunken uncle bob and thanksgiving from last year. holla.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
welcome to new york city.
i must start by apologizing, to anyone, if there is anyone, who reads this thing... i have had nothing to say lately if it wasn't about being poor, or impending homelessness. and that doesn't make for interesting blog posts. for interesting blog posts, i would direct you to my younger sister alison. boomer refers to her as the chosen one, and you can decide for yourself over at www.istheendofthatsentence.blogspot.com, but don't take too long, 'cause when she takes over the world, you're gonna want to be on her good side.
anyhow, WE LANDED A FUCKING APARTMENT!!!!!!! so now i can cease the freak out that has defined my life since i got here in may. before i move on, let me just say for the record that new york city is not a good place for the financially unsound to try and compete for housing. never again.
so, we are now the proud renters of a rather lovely apartment, which sits above a rather impressive bakery(we tested it out this morning) on first avenue. first avenue, which is noticeably quieter than third avenue(case in point, i am currently being blasted out of my chair by someone's car stereo right now. thank you for coming, release the hounds.)
the entire relocation is a step up, if you ask me; two grocery/bodegas, one on either corner, and said bakery...still two blocks from the subway, good to go. more importantly, however...IT'S OURS. charles sums it up: "it's a beautiful day, virginia tech football is on, we have an apartment." relieved doesn't even begin to describe it.
within a week, we will take up residence on the 1; before that, we shall make our triumphant return to VA, to pick up the stuff and check in with our beloved peoples, who we miss the shit out of.
but new york city, and apartment...that's pretty much it right there. we live here now, it's official. whew.
anyhow, WE LANDED A FUCKING APARTMENT!!!!!!! so now i can cease the freak out that has defined my life since i got here in may. before i move on, let me just say for the record that new york city is not a good place for the financially unsound to try and compete for housing. never again.
so, we are now the proud renters of a rather lovely apartment, which sits above a rather impressive bakery(we tested it out this morning) on first avenue. first avenue, which is noticeably quieter than third avenue(case in point, i am currently being blasted out of my chair by someone's car stereo right now. thank you for coming, release the hounds.)
the entire relocation is a step up, if you ask me; two grocery/bodegas, one on either corner, and said bakery...still two blocks from the subway, good to go. more importantly, however...IT'S OURS. charles sums it up: "it's a beautiful day, virginia tech football is on, we have an apartment." relieved doesn't even begin to describe it.
within a week, we will take up residence on the 1; before that, we shall make our triumphant return to VA, to pick up the stuff and check in with our beloved peoples, who we miss the shit out of.
but new york city, and apartment...that's pretty much it right there. we live here now, it's official. whew.
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