the longer i'm traipsing about this earth, the more i realize that it's never going to be about avoiding the madness. it's always going to be about the life-preserver that's thrown to you by one of the people or things you've been wise enough and fortunate enough to surround yourself with for moments exactly like those, so that you can hang right there in the center of the craziness, and maybe sip a cocktail or something. sometimes, it won't even have to be a life-preserver, maybe just a pair of orange blow-up swimmies. wow, "swimmies" is a great word.
how come i never realized how fucking awesome camera obscura is? damn.
random vin diesel fact of the day:
Vin Diesel excavated the entire Chunnel with his teeth and a brillo pad.
wow. impressive.
you know what else is awesome? taking 26 pictures of mullets at an outdoor foreigner concert. that's how i passed my time last night. we're thinking a mullet coffee table book, although according to my sister, "blogs are the new coffee table books." so maybe a blog. a mullet blog. it's gonna be amazing, some of the fine mullitude we witnessed yesterday exceeded even my highest expectations for how far some people are willing to go in the name of arena rock and bad hair. you're hot blooded. go ahead and check it. and see.
"is it safe to say that we're the only people at the foreigner concert who are here for aqua teen hunger force reasons?" -me
"yes." -riann
***edit*** my fact-checker, matt "irv gotti" gottesman has been sleeping on the job, apparently, and allowed me to spell "foreigner" wrong on this post for at least 12 hours. consider yourself on probation, irv. you may wanna rethink that whole "greatest fact-checking mind of our time" thing. and don't even try to tell me that you aren't a spell checker. i mean, what the hell am i paying you for??
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Saturday, June 25, 2005
the sports guy rules
i'm cranky and uninspired, so i'm gonna give you this excellent bit from the sports guy's mailbag and call it a night.
Q: I fully expect that after Clemens wins his 333rd game, in his press conference, he will take off his cap and will pull back his hair – revealing an identical 333 burned into his scalp; thus fulfilling the prophecy. This will immediately be followed by all the reporters in the room melting away, with their bones exploding like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."–William S., New York
SG: The best part about this would be Wilbon and Kornheiser discussing the incident on PTI the following day.
Kornheiser: "All right, Wilbon, some sad news last night, we found out that Roger Clemens was indeed the anti-Christ, as nearly 50 reporters – including some of the best this business had to offer – were melted to death after the prophecy was fulfilled. Wilbon, you were there, but you were able to get out of the room in time … how does this affect Roger Clemens' legacy?
Wilbon: "Oh, it absolutely affects his legacy! There's no question! Tony, he killed 50 media members! He melted them to death!"
Kornheiser: "But he's still the greatest pitcher of the last 50 years!"
Wilbon: "Tony, he's the anti-Christ!"
Kornheiser: "I don't see how that affects his Hall of Fame resume – 333 wins, over 4,500 strikeouts, 7 Cy Youngs … "
Wilbon: "Tony, he's a mass murderer! Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame for gambling on baseball, this guy melted 50 people! He almost killed me!"
Kornheiser: "Well, that shouldn't affect what he accomplished on the field. Ty Cobb wasn't a nice guy either. [We hear a bell in the background.] Moving to the NBA Finals … "
Q: I fully expect that after Clemens wins his 333rd game, in his press conference, he will take off his cap and will pull back his hair – revealing an identical 333 burned into his scalp; thus fulfilling the prophecy. This will immediately be followed by all the reporters in the room melting away, with their bones exploding like in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."–William S., New York
SG: The best part about this would be Wilbon and Kornheiser discussing the incident on PTI the following day.
Kornheiser: "All right, Wilbon, some sad news last night, we found out that Roger Clemens was indeed the anti-Christ, as nearly 50 reporters – including some of the best this business had to offer – were melted to death after the prophecy was fulfilled. Wilbon, you were there, but you were able to get out of the room in time … how does this affect Roger Clemens' legacy?
Wilbon: "Oh, it absolutely affects his legacy! There's no question! Tony, he killed 50 media members! He melted them to death!"
Kornheiser: "But he's still the greatest pitcher of the last 50 years!"
Wilbon: "Tony, he's the anti-Christ!"
Kornheiser: "I don't see how that affects his Hall of Fame resume – 333 wins, over 4,500 strikeouts, 7 Cy Youngs … "
Wilbon: "Tony, he's a mass murderer! Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame for gambling on baseball, this guy melted 50 people! He almost killed me!"
Kornheiser: "Well, that shouldn't affect what he accomplished on the field. Ty Cobb wasn't a nice guy either. [We hear a bell in the background.] Moving to the NBA Finals … "
Thursday, June 23, 2005
the vin diesel random fact of the day
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
no sleep 'till richmond
this past weekend has been short on sleep and long on serious emotional overload, so do the math there. i need to sleep for about a week, but i'm gonna have to settle for about 11 hours, which is what i plan to get into directly after this post. in the interest of attending to detail, this past weekend was also long on catered food. lots of penne ala vodka. like, way more than any one person should eat in a three day period. all that's over now though, and it's back to pb&j, as my sister took all the leftovers to her house.
now, it has come to my attention that my fact checker is shitty, and that in the sports night episode i mentioned in the previous post the terms that dan messed up in front of hilary clinton were "secular" and "non-secular". so i am firing myself as fact checker, and have hired the self-proclaimed "greatest natural fact-checking mind of our time", mr. matt "irv gotti" gottesman, of strong island, new york. we'll see how that works out. he comes very highly recommended, from himself, so it could go either way. just kidding, irv. i look forward to having my writing scrutinized by you for erroneous information.
all right. i'm done here. the only things that will make me feel any better right now are listening to "come on feel the illinoise!" by sufjan stevens, a serious bout of sleep and the knowledge that tomorrow is indeed another day.
oh, one more thing...i promised my peeps back home a link to the vin diesel random fact generator...courtesy of my girl chrissy over at dcent. how's that t-shirt coming, dude? make sure you refresh the vin diesel random fact generator page. it goes on forever.
did you know?
"when vin diesel eats a pack of starburst, all of them are pink."
and also,
"when vin diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back."
and also,
"vin diesel's blood type? red bull."
o.k. go over there yourself. right now.
now, it has come to my attention that my fact checker is shitty, and that in the sports night episode i mentioned in the previous post the terms that dan messed up in front of hilary clinton were "secular" and "non-secular". so i am firing myself as fact checker, and have hired the self-proclaimed "greatest natural fact-checking mind of our time", mr. matt "irv gotti" gottesman, of strong island, new york. we'll see how that works out. he comes very highly recommended, from himself, so it could go either way. just kidding, irv. i look forward to having my writing scrutinized by you for erroneous information.
all right. i'm done here. the only things that will make me feel any better right now are listening to "come on feel the illinoise!" by sufjan stevens, a serious bout of sleep and the knowledge that tomorrow is indeed another day.
oh, one more thing...i promised my peeps back home a link to the vin diesel random fact generator...courtesy of my girl chrissy over at dcent. how's that t-shirt coming, dude? make sure you refresh the vin diesel random fact generator page. it goes on forever.
did you know?
"when vin diesel eats a pack of starburst, all of them are pink."
and also,
"when vin diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back."
and also,
"vin diesel's blood type? red bull."
o.k. go over there yourself. right now.
Friday, June 17, 2005
an inquiry into the identity of the individual who may have allowed the canines to exit the premises
so, i happened to read through my last post today and realized that i wrote "indiscrete" when i meant "discrete". it kinda reminded me of that sport's night* episode where dan realizes that he said non-partisan when he meant partisan to hilary clinton and he can't stop obsessing over it. i plan to stop obsessing soon.
i'm in strong island right now, unexpectedly, which i think is the best way to be in strong island. from now on, i demand that others plan my trips home for me, and then simply ambush my unsuspecting self when it's time to leave richmond, throw my ass in a non-descript van and deposit me at the doorstep of my childhood home. it's much less traumatic that way.
in related news, i've discovered that long island is the only place left on the planet that is still allowing the song "who let the dogs out" to be played. everywhere else has banned the mere mention of it's title in a public place. songs like that will always have a safe haven in L.I., as will the indigenous species, the guido. here in long island, you can observe the guido in his natural habitiat. you can also observe the guido in various stages of the mating ritual with the female of the species, who can fall into the following classes: guidette, skank ho, long island white trash, or the ever popular, skank ho. really, everyone should come and check it out sometime. you can't see this sort of shit anywhere else in the world.
though i am absolutely broke, like broke...i am still not planning to pick up any shifts at my old job, here in the heart of babylon village. why? because i think i am no longer capable of surviving it. really. i'm serious. my mentality has shifted so far off the long island page, i just don't think i could handle having to wait on strong island's finest. and while it might be fun to wind up in a fight with a guido/guidette specimen, i'm just not feeling it right now.
*best television show ever
i'm in strong island right now, unexpectedly, which i think is the best way to be in strong island. from now on, i demand that others plan my trips home for me, and then simply ambush my unsuspecting self when it's time to leave richmond, throw my ass in a non-descript van and deposit me at the doorstep of my childhood home. it's much less traumatic that way.
in related news, i've discovered that long island is the only place left on the planet that is still allowing the song "who let the dogs out" to be played. everywhere else has banned the mere mention of it's title in a public place. songs like that will always have a safe haven in L.I., as will the indigenous species, the guido. here in long island, you can observe the guido in his natural habitiat. you can also observe the guido in various stages of the mating ritual with the female of the species, who can fall into the following classes: guidette, skank ho, long island white trash, or the ever popular, skank ho. really, everyone should come and check it out sometime. you can't see this sort of shit anywhere else in the world.
though i am absolutely broke, like broke...i am still not planning to pick up any shifts at my old job, here in the heart of babylon village. why? because i think i am no longer capable of surviving it. really. i'm serious. my mentality has shifted so far off the long island page, i just don't think i could handle having to wait on strong island's finest. and while it might be fun to wind up in a fight with a guido/guidette specimen, i'm just not feeling it right now.
*best television show ever
Saturday, June 11, 2005
cute boys on bikes
so, why is it that every single time i am picking up my dog's poo off the sidewalk, a really cute boy rides by on his bike? it's like fucking clockwork. i never see them coming either. they must just pop out of the bushes or something, 'cause all of a sudden there's a cute boy on a bike riding by like two feet away. and you know, i'm pretty good at embarrasing situations at this point, but there will just never be an discrete or smooth way of getting ones dog's poo off the sidewalk and into a plastic bag.
in a related note, can we be reasonably sure that no desirable relationship of any kind has ever started with "so, i saw her picking up her dog's poo off the sidewalk..."? i think so.
in a related note, can we be reasonably sure that no desirable relationship of any kind has ever started with "so, i saw her picking up her dog's poo off the sidewalk..."? i think so.
Friday, June 10, 2005
guahhhhh
it's a bittersweet feeling i have right now. i cannot tell you how amazing the people at WRIR are, my news team most especially, because when I was sitting in studio A at 4:42 today, when I finally got the show on the air(yes, 4:42, which is FORTY TWO MINUTES LATE for those in the back of the room, or who really don't pay attention to the silly details of my life, which is fine, btw) and i wanted to cry/throw up/die/crawl into a hole, there were arms around me and people telling me how ok it was, and all these other beautiful things... and they weren't just telling me these things because they were trying to keep me from crying/throwing up/etc... they were there for the whole sequence of events that led up to that moment, and they felt my pain, i know they did.
i cannot believe how lucky i am to have found these people in richmond. i am incredibly lucky to have other people who are that supportive and awesome in my life as well, but most of them have been around for a long long time. AND I LOVE EVERY ONE OF THEM MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. these people are new to me, but they are of the same caliber, and they are awesome.
however, i am still totally fucked up by the fact that what happened today happened. i guess a debacle of some sort was bound to happen, and i am lucky to have three previous shows under my belt before the meltdown occured, but i felt truly awful today at 3:45 when i realized we weren't going to make 4 o'clock. and i just about wanted to die when it was 4:28 and I knew I wasn't going to make 4:30 either.
i have to let it go and learn from the mistakes that occured this week, but damn...it's not easy. to let it go. learning from the mistakes is cake, cause they were bountiful and hard-hitting. as the minutes ticked off, i saw in excruciating detail exactly where and how things had gone awry. but i can use that to the future advantage of the program i'm sure.
the bitch of it all is that right now i want MORE THAN ANYTHING to get apocolyptically wasted, just to wash it all away, but i have to go back to my stupid job tomorrow, after two weeks of utter destitution. and i have no choice about that. gots to pay the man, y'know?
when i start to feel ick, however, i just keep reminding myself of those moments in studio A. it made my heart so warm to experience that.
i cannot believe how lucky i am to have found these people in richmond. i am incredibly lucky to have other people who are that supportive and awesome in my life as well, but most of them have been around for a long long time. AND I LOVE EVERY ONE OF THEM MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. these people are new to me, but they are of the same caliber, and they are awesome.
however, i am still totally fucked up by the fact that what happened today happened. i guess a debacle of some sort was bound to happen, and i am lucky to have three previous shows under my belt before the meltdown occured, but i felt truly awful today at 3:45 when i realized we weren't going to make 4 o'clock. and i just about wanted to die when it was 4:28 and I knew I wasn't going to make 4:30 either.
i have to let it go and learn from the mistakes that occured this week, but damn...it's not easy. to let it go. learning from the mistakes is cake, cause they were bountiful and hard-hitting. as the minutes ticked off, i saw in excruciating detail exactly where and how things had gone awry. but i can use that to the future advantage of the program i'm sure.
the bitch of it all is that right now i want MORE THAN ANYTHING to get apocolyptically wasted, just to wash it all away, but i have to go back to my stupid job tomorrow, after two weeks of utter destitution. and i have no choice about that. gots to pay the man, y'know?
when i start to feel ick, however, i just keep reminding myself of those moments in studio A. it made my heart so warm to experience that.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
kimya dawson loves me
i haven't spent nearly enough time talking about how much i love kimya dawson. so i'm gonna do that now. i love kimya dawson. and the best part is, she loves me too. in fact, she'll make me a t-shirt that says so if i want.
first of all, this is her website: www.kimyadawson.com
second of all, over on the sidebar, i have posted a link under "highly recommended" for one of her videos, and the video is something you should go watch and love right now.
between her and john darnielle, i carry with me a permanent feeling of wonderfulness. they are responsible for that. those two and those two alone are responsible for keeping my love of humanity on track. thanks guys.
also, right now my song is "nothing came out" by the moldy peaches, which was kimya's previous band with adam green.
just because i don't say anything, doesn't mean i don't like you...
i opened my mouth, and i tried and i tried, but no words came out
without 40 ounces of social skills, i'm just an ass in the crack of humanity
i'm just a huge manatee
a huge manatee
and besides you're probably holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands
all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and watch cartoons
i wanna watch cartoons with you
josie and the pussycats and scooby doo
i want you to watch cartoons with me
he-man, voltron and hong kong fooey
i tried to ask you to your face
but no words came out
i put on my hood and walked away
that doesn't mean i don't like you
and besides you're probably holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands
but all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and maybe spoon
all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late and watch cartoons
i'm just your average thundercats ho
incidentally, the moldy peaches sit right above the mountain goats in my computer's music library. exactly.
first of all, this is her website: www.kimyadawson.com
second of all, over on the sidebar, i have posted a link under "highly recommended" for one of her videos, and the video is something you should go watch and love right now.
between her and john darnielle, i carry with me a permanent feeling of wonderfulness. they are responsible for that. those two and those two alone are responsible for keeping my love of humanity on track. thanks guys.
also, right now my song is "nothing came out" by the moldy peaches, which was kimya's previous band with adam green.
just because i don't say anything, doesn't mean i don't like you...
i opened my mouth, and i tried and i tried, but no words came out
without 40 ounces of social skills, i'm just an ass in the crack of humanity
i'm just a huge manatee
a huge manatee
and besides you're probably holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands
all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and watch cartoons
i wanna watch cartoons with you
josie and the pussycats and scooby doo
i want you to watch cartoons with me
he-man, voltron and hong kong fooey
i tried to ask you to your face
but no words came out
i put on my hood and walked away
that doesn't mean i don't like you
and besides you're probably holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands
but all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and maybe spoon
all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late and watch cartoons
i'm just your average thundercats ho
incidentally, the moldy peaches sit right above the mountain goats in my computer's music library. exactly.
restless
the going-to-jump-out-of-my-skin feeling plagues me lately. i think it's the pace i am currently living at; when i get to a moment of downtime, i don't know what to do with myself. there are plenty of things to do with myself. i haven't seen a film in ages, which is totally unacceptable. and, once again, i have been reading the same book (love, poverty and war, by christopher hitchens) for what seems like an eternity. i get through about two pages a night if i'm lucky. and i'm not very lucky.
saw ryan adams last night. don't have a whole lot of interest in ry-ry persay, but i'll tell you this, he's crazy as a loon, which makes for an entertaining show. and his band, the cardinals, are pretty bad-ass. i mean, they're not breaking any standards, but they're adhering to some of the more tried and true ones pretty spectacularly. if that makes any sense. i just enjoy watching people do things well, even if ground isn't necessarily being broken.
speaking of ground being broken, i spoke live on the radio today. which i can tell you is an entirely different thing from speaking on mic when you are fully aware of the ability to edit. i was suddenly transported back to the days of having to give oral presentations in front of high school/college classes and shaking like a motherfrickin' leaf. you'd think someone was threatening my life in these instances, that's how over the edge i get. however, this time, i think i pretty much overcame my bizarre anxiety nonsense by about the third time i had to go on the air. it was refreshing. baby steps.
let me pause to say that i am absolutely, completely, one hundred percent in fucking love with the new mountain goats album. jesus. it's amazing. jesus, do you hear what i'm sayin'??? jesus? are you there???
whatever. it's so great. you need to spend some time with the sunset tree. some serious alone time. some serious dance party time. both.
in other news, my news meeting tonight was waylaid by an influx of radical kooks who felt we should revamp the entire program to suit their agendas. and i love radical kooks as much as the next guy, but that's just not where we're going with wrir news. it was a whole new side of me, the girl who took charge at that meeting tonight. and it was kinda rough for a minute there. but i believe in what i'm doing, and that's the first time i can say that about something like this. i'm not willing to give that up for the sake of placating others. wrir news is too cool for that.
saw ryan adams last night. don't have a whole lot of interest in ry-ry persay, but i'll tell you this, he's crazy as a loon, which makes for an entertaining show. and his band, the cardinals, are pretty bad-ass. i mean, they're not breaking any standards, but they're adhering to some of the more tried and true ones pretty spectacularly. if that makes any sense. i just enjoy watching people do things well, even if ground isn't necessarily being broken.
speaking of ground being broken, i spoke live on the radio today. which i can tell you is an entirely different thing from speaking on mic when you are fully aware of the ability to edit. i was suddenly transported back to the days of having to give oral presentations in front of high school/college classes and shaking like a motherfrickin' leaf. you'd think someone was threatening my life in these instances, that's how over the edge i get. however, this time, i think i pretty much overcame my bizarre anxiety nonsense by about the third time i had to go on the air. it was refreshing. baby steps.
let me pause to say that i am absolutely, completely, one hundred percent in fucking love with the new mountain goats album. jesus. it's amazing. jesus, do you hear what i'm sayin'??? jesus? are you there???
whatever. it's so great. you need to spend some time with the sunset tree. some serious alone time. some serious dance party time. both.
in other news, my news meeting tonight was waylaid by an influx of radical kooks who felt we should revamp the entire program to suit their agendas. and i love radical kooks as much as the next guy, but that's just not where we're going with wrir news. it was a whole new side of me, the girl who took charge at that meeting tonight. and it was kinda rough for a minute there. but i believe in what i'm doing, and that's the first time i can say that about something like this. i'm not willing to give that up for the sake of placating others. wrir news is too cool for that.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
i heart ted leo
so, we got to ted leo late(my band-timeframe math was way off...i think i'm slipping in old age) and then, about four songs after we got there, the drummer sliced his hand open on his crash cymbal and had to go to the hospital.
ted is the man and played us a few more songs by himself before he felt as if he should go and check on the well being of his friend and drummer. understandable. during the ted leo solo improv, a brave soul from the audience volunteered to play drums, and ted let him come up and do "dirty old town". it was pretty rockin'. i have to give that boy credit. not only was there no bass player, but he's onstage with ted frickin' leo. i mean, maybe i'm the only person who would have a serious composure problem in that instance, but i have to believe it was intimidating.
i'm feeling icky today...think it's the weather. maybe a slack in my self-confidence. don't know. i'm gonna press on and see if i can't work myself out of it.
ted is the man and played us a few more songs by himself before he felt as if he should go and check on the well being of his friend and drummer. understandable. during the ted leo solo improv, a brave soul from the audience volunteered to play drums, and ted let him come up and do "dirty old town". it was pretty rockin'. i have to give that boy credit. not only was there no bass player, but he's onstage with ted frickin' leo. i mean, maybe i'm the only person who would have a serious composure problem in that instance, but i have to believe it was intimidating.
i'm feeling icky today...think it's the weather. maybe a slack in my self-confidence. don't know. i'm gonna press on and see if i can't work myself out of it.
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