surely you can't be serious.

you know how in movies and television shows there are always these crazy scenarios that arise where someone does a shit-ton of work on the computer, only to lose it in an instant due to some weird, inexplicable computer glitch, endlessly fucking them for all eternity?

that just happened to me!

i can't believe it, actually, because it is just way too cliche, but i literally spent about three hours today putting together what was to be the final draft of my "professional goals statement" so that i could mail this godforsaken application out this afternoon. now three hours was just the home stretch, folks. i have written about fifteen drafts of this thing, and that's not counting how many times the sentences in those drafts have been re-written and moved around and shit. this has been going on for weeks, literally.

but then today, when i swear to you i was approaching the moment(and the word count) where i was going to say "okay. that's it." and print the fucking thing out and be done with it, in an act of epic stupidity, i decided to do something epically stupid. worse, it was something that i would normally NEVER DO. i just keep asking myself why... why?

i selected all, copied the text, opened a new document and pasted it. now here's where things went wrong. instead of saving that document first, i went back to the other one and closed it, clicking "no" when it asked me if i wanted to save the changes. i did this because there was a sentence from one of the earlier iterations that i wanted to use, and i figured that by not saving the changes, i would get the old draft back. which was true, but unfortunately, as i went back to the brand new, UNSAVED document, to add the sentence, name it something like "FINAL FINAL DRAFT, FOREVER HOLDING ITS PEACE" and save it, the computer did something wonky and all of a sudden that dreaded "Word Has Encountered an Error and Needs to Close" screen came up.

WHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT? an error? what error? why now? no, don't close... wait! not yet, why... what... how... FUCK!

I scrambled to figure out how to do something, but it was already asking me politely if I would like to send an error report to Microsoft. no comment there, dudes.

i am speechless.

so, to sum up: my very-close-to-finished draft of the piece which has been plaguing me day and night for weeks is in the ether. the draft i do have is one that was saved about 600 revisions ago, and upon looking at it, i have realized that, boy, did i change this shit A LOT in three hours.

no more today. i can't deal. i may try again tomorrow, although i can't imagine anything i would like to do (or am equipped to do for that matter)less at this point. fuck.