some words on a monday night/tuesday morning

we had our first wrir news meeting tonight and it was pretty damn cool, if you ask me. i'm excited to be a part of this; not only is it something that really interests me, but it's also just beginning, and i feel like there's a lot of potential for this to be really great. obviously, it's going to take a little time, as far as organization and everyone figuring out what their primary role is going to be and whatnot, but all that will iron itself out. there's just a really great feeling there, at the studio. a feeling that there is something going on, and that it's only just getting started. good stuff.

naturally, i'm battling my normal social anxiety demons but i'm winning, so that's cool. getting my ass to the meeting was a huge step, and it's definitely the steps that count. i absolutely loathe the way i turn into a freaked out mess when i have to speak in front of a group, though. it's so ridiculous, and there have been very few occasions in my life where i've managed to clear the initial public-speaking hurdle and stop the cold sweats from happening. i'm determined that this will be one of those times.

people i've met in richmond, upon learning that i am a new york transplant, are often curious as to why i moved here, and especially here, since most of them seem to think that it must be a shock to my system to leave that for this. i usually answer their query with some form of the same answer, which is based in truth, but tweaked to accomodate the situation(another thing i wish i didn't feel the need to do); that is, i moved here for a change of venue, and i picked richmond because i have family, or should i say, two members of my family, here.

to elaborate, i moved to richmond because i geniunely liked it, and a year and some months later, i still do. i visited my sister here about six months or so before i decided to move, and there was just something about richmond that appealed to me. time has defined that "something", i suppose. i like the way it feels here; there is a certain relaxation of attitude and atmosphere that intensely appeals to me. to say that richmond takes things less seriously than new york is correct, although it sounds wrong; i don't think it is a concious effort to take things less seriously, as much as it is just a long-standing and widely accepted way of doing things. maybe that's just the way i percieve things, but it's definitely the sense i get from my newly adopted city. either way, it has so far been an excellent host for my current state of mind, as i wade through the end of my twenties and start defining what is truly important to me.

which brings me to another reason for why i moved, this one less city-specific, and really about movement in general, as opposed to where one winds up. i grew up in new york, minutes from most anything you can think of, the majority of which went under-utilized by yours truly. i suppose it's a case of not being able to truly see things when you're up close, too close, perhaps, for too long. i have but one goal for my life at this juncture, and it may prove to be the only goal i ever have, or it may take on many permutations as i proceed onward, but that is to simply get as much out of my life as i can. i look around me and i worry about all the things i am not doing, and i fear that there are things about me, about my personality, that hold me back from doing all the things i truly wish i could do, or at least i think i wish i could do. and it is a constant battle in my brain to realize that getting the most out of my life simply entails that i be fully and completely in the moment at hand. that i truly appreciate every situation i am a part of, whether it be riding the bus to work, or seeing a musician who's work i admire up close, or reading a book on a subject i previously knew little about, or sitting on my front porch watching the scene on an evening in the springtime. whether it be suddenly finding myself transfixed by the ending of a college basketball game i know hardly anything about, but the gravity of which becomes instantly palpable when you look into the faces of the guys on the screen and you see the scarcity of seconds on the clock in the bottom corner or thinking about things that might be considered far more pressing than just a basketball game. sometimes i feel overwhelmed by my lack of focus, intimidated by it, but i suppose there is little i can do but accept it as my present state of being, and try to get as much from it as i can. if anything, richmond is responsible for bringing me closer to being okay with that.

out like a lamb

it's officially spring, as far as the calendar is concerned, and the weather seems to be on board, finally turning towards warm for good. you can smell it, even on the still-cold days. spring is my favorite time of year, without question. fall comes in second, losing points for being a bit too somber at times; you catch it at the wrong angle every now and again, and it looks exactly like...death. i mean, 'cause it is. i'm not trying to slag fall or nothin'. i love fall; it's my second favorite season.

but spring... spring is where it's at. i am most fond of early spring, like right now, when it is just starting to stay light a little later, and the warm breeze hangs on into the nighttime. good stuff. there are lots of exciting things on the horizon, along with the onset of spring. i will be seeing the amazing m.ward play the bowery ballroom in new york on april 10th, for instance, which is pretty freakin' awesome. i will also have the pleasure of seeing the shins at the norva on april 28th. jealous, much???

on top of all that, the mountain goats new album, The Sunset Tree, comes out on april 26th. i acquired the previous mountain goats album, We Shall All Be Healed, around this time last year. i suspect that it will forever remind me of my first few months in richmond, driving around with the windows rolled down, cranking 'pigs that ran straightaway into the water, triumph of' and 'palmcorder yanja'. actually, i have a really strong memory of driving home from my sister's house, with 'palmcorder yanja' blasting, singing along at the top of my lungs, at the tippity top, the likes of which you can only truly achieve when you're in the car, alone: "if anybody comes to see me,/ tell them they just missed me by a minute/if anybody comes into our room while we're asleep,/ i hope they incinerate /EVERYBODY IN IT"

and damn if that didn't feel really good. quite cathartic. you should try it sometime. also, giving a good hard listen to 'against pollution' while driving around on a beautiful spring day is a rather stirring experience. not that i want to influence anybodys listening habits. but you know what? i do. this spring, go out and get yourself a copy of the excellence: We Shall All Be Healed by the mountain goats, and drive around with it, windows down, pollen flowing, warm air coming on like it's been let out of captivity. you won't be sorry you did. and then go get yo ass The Sunset Tree.

you know, sitting here typing this, being the sort of person i am, i naturally had to cue up the mountain goats. 'and you send your dark messengers/to tempt me/i come from chino, /so all your threats are empty.' yeah dog.

it's nice to be able to ramble on here with little regard for any sort of "structure". i enjoy that about this space, certainly. however, i will shortly be getting a quick, perhaps harsh lesson in working within a very different format. i have signed on to take part in the production of a news program at richmond's local indie radio station, www.wrir.org . i am very excited about this; one of my greatest concerns about the state of our nation is the direction in which our media is heading. the prevelance of commentary-based "news programs" has grown exponetially in our post-9/11 society, and the most disturbing aspect of that growth is the fact that these commentary-based programs are often foisted on the public as straight news. this is an enormous problem, and when it is taken along with other failures of the media, such as the rash of incidents involving the fabrication of stories by journalists like jayson blair of the new york times, or the planting of "journalists" such as jeff gannon in the white house press corps, or the use of video press releases from government agencies as viable news stories, when they are actually much closer to propaganda, created with the intention of furthering the agendas of those agencies. things are truly a mess.

after the election on november 2nd, i had a lot of pretty strong, yet rather directionless feelings regarding the outcome. i was upset, i was angry, i was disillusioned. talking with friends in those days that followed, one of the things that i found myself coming back to was the need for me to do something, something that went beyond hanging up fliers or putting stickers on my car. it took a little while to find what that something was, but i think this is a really good place to start. i am looking forward to taking part in something that is independent, and that will be dealing with straight news rather than taking news and spinning it for specific purposes. this will require a restructuring of the way that i think. it will require a new stringency in the way that i process information, not to mention a new attention all those pesky grammar and usage rules that i so cavalierly tend to,well, ignore. i am extremely interested in the results.

can't knock the hustle

for the past few months, there has been somewhat of a minor uproar, at least among those who care, over the fact that sony has shelved fiona apple's new record due to what they consider to be its lack of marketability (i.e. the absence of a "single".) now, this certainly sucks, as it always does when the endeavours of an artist are refused or adulterated by a bunch of suit-wearing cads who have far less use for the artistic process and its results than they do for large stacks of green colored paper. on the flipside, however, there is the fact that fiona apple signed to sony of her own volition, and regardless of how ill-advised a move this may have turned out to be, she certainly could have refused their offer. it is no secret that the major labels are fairly disinterested in the well being of anyone and anything that doesn't directly benefit their financial interests. this isn't news. fiona could have gone another, albeit far less monetarily fruitful, route. john darnielle talks about this whole situation here, and he does a good job of articulating this point, with which i wholeheartedly agree.

there's no doubt that it's a shame either way. when there is a record out there that one is truly curious to hear, it's quite frustrating to think that one will be deprived of the right to buy it based on the fact that sony doesn't feel that there are enough like-minded consumers. not nearly as frustrating as the state of the music industry in general, but as jd points out, that, too, is ultimately the responsibility of the consumer (pssst...that's you and me.)

in the more recent past, i have been coming to terms with my feelings about downloading music. i have certainly downloaded my share of songs over the years, although i have never been interested in downloading entire albums, mainly because part of the draw for me, insofar as music goes, is the complete package. i want the artwork, the liner notes, the disc itself, to be genuine. i want to have them on hand, i want to be able to keep them on the cd shelf in my living room. i also want to support the people who make the music that i so adore, and although i used to justify my downloading by the fact that my downloads were usually of songs by artists that i had a singular or only a few-song interest in, that really shouldn't matter, and at this point i have all but stopped downloading entirely. i utilize mp3 blogs to hear songs by bands that i have never heard, and then i spring for the whole deal, usually putting my to-buy list into some sort of order based on how much my interest was piqued by the sneak preview. i also go on recommendations from people i "trust", and for the singular-song dilemma, i do the i-tunes thing, or the musicmatch equivalent.

anyhow, i say "all but stopped" for one reason: i have broken down and downloaded the fiona disc. i simply couldn't help myself; once it leaked to the internet, i read one too many bits on it, all of them extolling its virtues. with no actual release date in the forseeable future, i felt that i had little other option if i wanted to hear this record. and boy, am i glad i did. it's really quite a thing, 'extraordinary machine', and i will certainly be buying it, if and when the parties involved manage to get it on to the shelves. right now, i am on about my fifth listen, fully enraptured. i will probably be in the 'extraordinary machine' force field well into next week, which for me means that it will stay in the discman, on the playlist, etc. the title track is a fucking brilliant piece of songwriting and production. it makes me wish that a song like that could alter current corporate conception of what is considered a "single".

now, without going so far as to encourage others in my behaviour (i'll let everyone do this on their own) i can tell you that simply googling fiona apple extraordinary machine will lead you to a place where you can listen for yourself. in addition, you can head over to www.freefiona.com and sign a petition to try and get sony to release the record. i truly hope that they do. it's an amazing piece of work, and she deserves to make a living from it.

you better get yourself together soon...

a few weeks ago, i found my copy of m. ward's transfiguration of vincent, which had been missing since, oh, i don't know...september maybe? it was a glorious reunion, between myself and the m. ward, and i have been listening to it ever since. it makes me that much more rabid for the new disc, which came out a few weeks ago. i am waiting for a slight bit of play in my disposable income to buy it. no, scratch that. disposable income is not a term that figures realistically into my life. i am waiting until i happen by the record store, where the draw of the m. ward will outweigh my need to pay bills. this will happen shortly, maybe even today.

the man behind www.slatch.com, whom i don't know personally, but who's site i have been reading daily for about a year and a half, has started something really cool. check it out at www.tinyshowcase.com

i go through this cycle, when it comes to writing, which i'm sure is familiar to most people who engage in artistic endeavors of any sort. the cycle goes something roughly like this: i get some inspiration, start working on something, feel like it's going ok, have a number of days where i feel like it's absolute bullshit, have a day in there somewhere when i recognize that i even if i feel like it's bullshit, even if it is bullshit, that i need to be writing it anyhow, if i ever want it to not be bullshit. and then i come across something by another writer, in this case let's use philip roth and portnoy's complaint, and i read the first page and am overwhelmed by the notion that never, ever, in a million years of my wildest dreams, will i ever be able to construct anything that could even start me on the path to being as adept a writer as the person who wrote those words. then all of my ideas melt back into bubbling, useless sludge and my brain shorts out and i have to shut down operations for a few days. but it'll all start over eventually. it always does. i'm just hanging in there for the day that there is a variation in the cycle, a variation of any sort.