stop looking at me, swan.

along with people sporting crazy eye and/or facial tattoos, i would like to submit a new category of folks who are unquestionably batshit insane: weirdos who feel like it's ok to leave napkin-notes for their waitress. if you find yourself doing this, or thinking about doing this(unless it's a phone-number-leaving situation, which is a whole other category we can discuss at a later date) you should take yourself to the nearest insane-asylum and check yourself in. for that is where you belong.

case in point: last evening, i waited on an older woman(maybe late forties?) who dined by herself. we had a nice repoire, i was definitely in nice-mode, if i do say so myself. she downed a king-sized straight-up margarita, and then, upon leaving, decided to leave me this napkin filled with her scrawl and a whole lotta baggage. apparently, she felt rejected by me because i didn't make eye-contact with her when i dropped off her change. i will now pause so that you can read that part again. good. now, the fact that i did make eye contact with her drunk ass is really incidental, what is important is that YOU SHOULDN'T BE LEAVING DRUNK NOTES FOR STRANGERS. you just shouldn't do it. it's a bad plan. you have chosen poorly. please leave the restaurant and never come near me again, lest i feel the need to file for a restraining order. fucking weirdo.

oh, please do note the part that says i was "awesome". ah...crazy drunken spinsters. whatever shall we do with them?