i happen to be somewhat fixated on lip balm, or lip shit, in the vernacular... and i have made it somewhat of a mission to discover the best product in this category, and i would like now to talk about that product, because it is fucking awesome. this kinda sounds like the start of an infomercial i saw the other night for this thing that cooks meat and vegetables and all sorts of other stuff in like 8 minutes using a combination of convection heat, some other kind of heat and infared rays... they claimed it could fry chicken, and we didn't believe it, since there is no oil involved, and we tried to wait it out to see what they would do, but the hosts were too awful, and they kept cooking steak after steak(and throwing they vegetables right on there with it!) and i eventually had to shut it off.
i digress. lip shit. ok. listen up. here's the deal. you need to look for HERBAL ANSWER by blistex, in the light-green tube, every time you enter a duane reade, or cvs, or whatever the hell you have where you live, until you find a tube. because they don't sell it just anywhere. actually, it just took me three years to find it this last time, and it was extremely random: we were in duane reade on 96th street getting contact lense solution or something and i went by the lip shit section and there it was. but whatever. when you find it, you buy it. immediately. don't wait. BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST LIP SHIT EVER MADE. bar-none. game over. they may as well just quit making lip shit now, because there is and there will never be a better lip shit than this one. i'm serious. i mean, it's the herbal answer.
just try it, if you can find it. i think you'll thank me.
by the way, they need to start a nobel prize sort of thing for stuff this nature. little innovations that make daily life possible... the smartwater people, they'd get one. and the developer of nestle flips chocolate-covered pretzels.
new topic. my cell phone has been off for about a week: no money to pay the bill, alas. it's just that time of year where i am struggling desperately to stay at the point where i am only swallowing water, not suffocating on it, if water is the metaphor for financial ruin. you know what i mean.
anyhow, here are the stages i go through when my phone gets turned off.
day 1- anger, pain, sadness, a geniune feeling of loss and panic at how i am supposed to communicate now that my communication device is no longer at my disposal...scared and alone.
day 2-still a bit of the same, a need to stay near someone who's phone i can readily access if need be.
day 3-denial. i keep the non-working phone on me, at work, wherever, like normal, as if it is suddenly going to vibrate with an incoming message, indicating that i am once again able to text message.
day 4-5- still keeping the phone on me, but not all the time, sometimes leaving it in my bag while at work...it's a bit heavy in my pocket, and there are friggin' clocks everywhere if i need to know the time.
day 6- phone stays in bag all day.
day 7- not even sure where phone is right now; will leave it home, worthless piece of junk.
see, just seven days and i am back to basics. ready to live off the land and send telegrams if i have any pressing business. these cell phones...they are overrated.
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