even snipers drive to work.

no, i'm not kidding. you know how everybody's in town for the u.n. general assembly? well, yesterday during lunch, a white suburban pulls up on 45th street, which has been closed off all week, and four guys in black get out. then they go to the back, unload all their gear, which includes four sniper rifles(ok, they were in bags, but they were sniper rifles. i'm serious.) and a whole bunch of other stuff, and then walk off single file, all covert and shit, headed for whatever roof they are about to perch on. red team go. i've always wanted to be a sniper. brain and i, that's what we were going to be. brother and sister snipers. ah...plans.

anyhow, i was reading kels post on the mole people and it made me think about this special on showtime that we watched on sunday, where the producers of this documentary give this homeless guy 100,000 dollars and then follow him around to see what happens. it was really fucking sad...charles and i speculated disaster before watching, but when he first gets the money it seems as if maybe it won't be so bad. wrong. within six months, he has blown almost all of it, on both the ridiculous and on earnest, yet misguided, attempts to do what i assume he thinks people with money do with it when they have it. it was really, really sad. and personally, if found it a wee bit irresponsible of the people who made the show, but i guess that's arguable.

watching that, along with all the other crap i have watched lately, has made me wonder if reality television has crossed one of those fine lines that it has been destined to cross since it solidified its stranglehold on the world a few years ago...obviously it is an ever changing and growing entity, and like myspace, it's affect on humanity will not be known for many years to come, but when all is said and done, i would like it to be noted that i fortold of its eating us alive like a cancer. in that vein, i will now present my list of the reality shows that are currently paving the road to the utter destruction of our usefulness as a people. in no particular order. i can't, i just can't.

1. Survivor: Cook Islands.

pretty fascinating...they've finally gone and seperated the contestants by race, which anyone with any forsight at all who's read any ray bradbury or george orwell saw coming a mile away. this could go a ton of different ways, but it's really not about what happens on this Survivor. it's about the precedent that this will set, and the ideas that will spring from it.

2. My Super Sweet Sixteen.

life is devoid of all meaning. the only thing of any consequence is a lavish party at which there will be thousands of people you don't know, which will end by eleven thirty, effectively making the cost equal thirty to forty thousand dollars an hour for the whole affair. it is thrown in your honor for the very unnoteworthy accomplishment of turning 16, and at the end, a ridiculously expensive car is presented to you, despite the fact that you cannot yet drive. please hurry up and get pregnant/develop your heavy drug habits/start accumluating dwi's...there isn't going to be much else of note.


3. the fabulous life of...

so far as i can tell, this isn't so much a show as it is a long list chronicling the extravagant spending habits of people who have so much money that everyone in africa could wipe their ass with it for six months and still not make a dent. it seems to be designed to elicit similutatenous sensations of disbelief, nausea and utter desensitivity. i imagine that killing sprees are born of this show.

4. the flavor of love

um, watching anyone, even the busted-ass skanks he has assembled on this program, kiss flavor flav is one of the most horrific things i have ever seen with my own eyes. it seems it would be like kissing a dumpster. except with wrinkles and stuff. but that's not even the issue. the issue is, what the fuck is the point of this show? what are these wretched excuses for women trying to win? what do they stand to gain? i'm not sure there is any endgame here. and the names he gives them, good lord... for anyone with even a rudimentary grasp of the english language, it's like being stabbed with a rusty shiv every time one of their names flashes across the screen.

5. bridezillas.

i mean, we've all been to weddings. isn't that enough, that we've seen this happen in person? it's not like the bridezilla is something most people haven't encountered. if you know anyone who has gotten married, more than likely you've already had all the bridezilla you need. it's not really very interesting, to see a woman lose all sense of herself and others in the empty pursuit of wedding-dom. kinda like the sweet sixteen, it's just a day. and then, thankfully, it's over.

all right, i've embarrassed myself enough with my television knowledge. you can all see how very far i have fallen off that high horse i used to ride smugly upon...you know, the one from which i used to brag about how i didn't even HAVE television. those were the days. they really were. and if there was a god, he would design a fucking cable package that only contained the espns, yes network, comedy central and cartoon. but there is no god, people. nada.

non-sniper-nor-tv-related update: our living room is now orange. bedroom, green. dining room will soon be some shade of dark red...maroon, burgundy, something. and the bathroom will be gray. the new apartment is cool as hell, and i must once again extoll the virtues of first avenue. it might sound ridiculous, but i like it a lot more than i like third. it's just got it's own thing going on, and i like it. i think it suits me.