in the middle of a highly embarrassing crying jag last evening, it occurred to me that i might be having a nervous breakdown. which i found highly amusing, because i think the whole concept of a nervous breakdown is inherently comical. i also thought about that scene in 'the royal tenenbaums' when chazz takes royal in the closet to scream at him for taking the kids out for some mischief and royal yells 'i think you're having a nervous breakdown!' and how that's one of my favorite moments in the whole movie. and so it turned out not so bad. in fact, everything that i keep expecting to turn out really really bad hasn't so much...i still feel as if i'm teetering on the edge of everything falling apart. but i'm not sure what 'everything' is, and i suppose i'm also teetering on the edge of everything staying in tact. wouldn't that be the other half of that? indeed.
there is this older gay man around town who we have deemed a 'habitual line-crosser', in the spirit of chappelle's show, and since he habitually crosses lines with those around him. the crossings are tolerated only because at the end of the day it's all pretty harmless.
i think i might be a 'perpetual under-achiever' which poses a few different problems for me, not the least of which is that it might be true. the other issues lie in trying to figure out what, exactly, there is to achieve, and how that is measured anyhow. and the perpetual part. that's troubling on a few levels.
yeah. i'll be in new york next friday...charles(who is not a perpetual under-achiever) has a job interview and i am really dying for some italian food, so naturally i will be there for moral support, and eating. i want to traipse around on friday afternoon and show charles the subway and stuff. but italian food is happening one way or another.
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