telling you stuff you already know

so i'm behind on just about everything, as usual...i've never claimed to be anything else, so i don't care. sue me. everybody's doing it.

here's the sports guy on kobe's new nickname:

An actual excerpt from Ric Bucher's ESPN The Mag cover story about Kobe and Phil (and no, I'm not making this up):

"Granted, there's still a dark side that Bryant embraces. He's known in his inner circle as Mamba, which, he is happy to explain, is a kind of snake that can grow to 13 feet and is one of the world's quickest, and one of the most venomous, serpents. He referred to this summer as the 'blackout,' in which the snake grew a new skin through a seven-days-a-week conditioning program."

Wait, there's more! Here's Kobe explaining his new nickname:

"The mamba can strike with 99 percent accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession. That's the kind of basketball precision I want to have. Not being able to train the last two summers, I was in a gunfight with a rusty butter knife. I did my share of killing, but I was just fighting to survive."


All right ...

First of all, I love when any celebrity gives himself a new nickname to change his identity. It's funny when wrestlers change gimmicks and end up with a new nickname, it's funny when Diddy changes nicknames, and it's downright hysterical when an NBA star once accused of sexual assault decides it would be a fantastic idea to embrace the identity of a 13-foot serpent. Second, when they explain the choice of the nickname with a beauty like, "The mamba can strike with 99% accuracy at maximum speed, in rapid succession," and refuse to credit "Kill Bill," it reminds me why I still love writing this column. And third, I don't think this nickname is catching on, since I have been delightedly telling everyone I know about the Mamba story, and nobody has heard of it, so I'm calling Kobe "Mamba" in this space from this point forward. Long live Mamba.

also, in other news, i've finally put two and two together and discovered that no, they don't make five, but that alex blagg of blaggblogg is the same alex blagg who writes for phat phree(like i read the fucking bylines on phat phree. come on.) so basically what i'm trying to tell you is that blaggblogg is just an endless collection of pieces just like "when in doubt peel out", which we all know is pure geniosity. and strategery. and stuff. i just wanted to write "strategery".

ok, one last thing, which will take the form of a 'letter to brain':

dear brain:

i've noticed in all of our 'ships passing in the night' correspondence of late that you have said absolutely nothing about thanksgiving and whether or not you will be bringing your carpetbagging ass down south for some fried turkey. now, as i mentioned previously, i don't even know what fried turkey entails, but i've heard it is delicious and dangerous, which is a combination that appeals to me. more importantly, however, you best be here, and i am taking your silence on the matter as a BAD SIGN. i don't like bad signs. it reminds me of when i was in the shit, back in 72. i'm going to go take my medications now, but listen to me: the next time you show up on a.i.m. at 4:45 in the morning and are talking to my away message, you best be telling it that you are coming for thanksgiving. that is all.

yours from the biscuits and the gravy,
lmvb, cob, ttbc, rcitfrd