some musings on not letting the bastards grind you down.

my brother brain once said to me, with a rather severe look on his face(severe even for him) "don't take shit from anybody. ever." i think of this statement whenever i am in the midst of being given shit, which is often, and i realize that it is not so much about the taking of the shit, because it's nearly impossible to avoid, but how you handle it that counts.

charles williams told me, directly after meeting me, that he had watched me at my job for quite a while before that, and that his curiosity regarding me was especially piqued by what he called my "hard face". the hard face is what i wear when dealing with the public, which i do every day, and it has evolved out of a desire to keep the amount of shit those people will try to get me to take to a minimum. it's the first line of defense, and at this point, i barely even realize i'm doing it.

it's a peculiar balance i attempt to achieve. some people live in one extreme or the other, but i have developed a contempt for extremes; there is nothing to be gained there. instead, i try to work with what i know, and buffer accordingly. occasionally i fuck up and block out the wrong people. occasionally i let the wrong people slip through. either way, it can be a pain in the ass.

i think i have evolved, however, quite a bit over time on this one. there is a certain seperation now. it is a task, this not taking of shit. and it must be viewed as such. i have ceased to conciously apply emotion to it, and though that emotion does find its way in now and again, it is a hell of a lot easier to sort out than it used to be.

in semi-related news, i think my admiration and observation of doug wilder's methods in dealing with assholes is having a positive effect on my dealings with the small-time assholes in my own life. there's a man who has a nice firm grasp on the take no shit equation. thanks, doug.