my family is having our first truly liberated thanksgiving this year, right here in lovely richmond, va. i am inviting just about everyone i know, since i do stuff like that, and since we're all so excited for our first liberated thanksgiving. we have, obviously, switched up the players: psychotic episodes are out, drunken uncles are in. ms. chrissy "once an eagle, always an eagle" fheskins has volunteered to stand in as "uncle bob".
for all those who didn't make the cut, there's always christmas, and we are auditioning for a "random girlfriend/boyfriend of brother/sister/uncle/aunt/mother/father/grandmother with a serious intravenous drug habit that comes to light before dessert" that's a good one people. get yourselves ready.
here, in honor of our upcoming thanksgiving bash, are two seperate instant message exchanges i had on the subject. chrissy, meet irv. irv, meet chrissy. you guys are gonna get along famously!!
ChrissyEF: yo, thanksgiving in Richmond or bust
lolan27: YES! we're doing it up down hurrr
lolan27: you gots to come
lolan27: it's gonna be spectacular
ChrissyEF: i've decided that i'm going to become that weird "family member" that shows at all the important events, but isn't actually a family member
ChrissyEF: you can refer to me as "uncle bob"
lolan27: excellent. we'd love to have you, uncle bob
ChrissyEF: hah!
lolan27: arrive drunk
lolan27: that's the only way to truly be uncle bob
ChrissyEF: totally
lolan27: you should come to rva for thanksgiving
TbirdGotti: i don't know if i'll be down for the actual thangsgiving, but maybe i'll leave after i have dinner with my family
lolan27: and eat turkey and get drunk as hell with the balls and uncle bob
lolan27: who is our friend chrissy. she's gonna be uncle bob
TbirdGotti: ahh, the awkward drunken uncle
TbirdGotti: nice
TbirdGotti: is she going to pee in the corner?
lolan27: yes, i told her she must arrive drunk, for starters and we'll take it from there.
TbirdGotti: ok
TbirdGotti: because the peeing in the corner was a deal-breaker
TbirdGotti: if she wasn't going to pee in the corner all bets were off
lolan27: whatever uncle bob is gonna do, uncle bob is gonna do
13 comments:
peeing in a corner? DONE!
this is why you're first-string.
i think she should pee in the fireplace... hopefully it will be full of fire by thanksgiving dinner.
yo whatsup with all this "word verification" shit?? I'm posting a comment, not accessing your safe deposit box...
p.s. drunken uncles are the new black
oh, and I think someone needs to tell these blogspot people that "xrnqsc" isn't a word. It should be called "non-sensical combination of letters verification".
NO PEEING IN THE HOUSE BY HUMANS!! There will be no peeing. Do you hear me people, NO PEEING. We have three dogs for christ's sake...they need a purpose, too, during the festivities. Can't we just sometimes think of the little people?
no. we can't. don't get in the way of the drunken uncle plan. just don't.
perhaps we can involve the poochies in the peeing session along with drunk uncle bob. we gotta be humanitarian and shit about this.
sweetheart, this is not about animals. this is about dysfunction. DYSFUNCTION.
Ah yes, glorious dysfuntion. Can't we be dysfunctional AND bathroom savvy? (Did I just spell savvy wrong?)
Bathroom savvy??? Who's got time to be bathroom savvy?? This is Thanksgiving!!! Do you think Uncle Bob pees in the fireplace just because he is drunk and disoriented?? NO! Its all about efficiency.
that's my girl!
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