oh, and thank you for crushing my dreams.

um, yeah. extremely unhappy is to understate. to use a phrase coined by a.b., i want to eat poison. actually, last night as i listened to tim mccarver YAMMER ON about god knows what, for the better part of 4 hours, i thought, 'listening to tim mccarver makes me wanna eat poison.'

now i can amend that to 'having my team lose in such spectacular fashion after suffering through 4 hours of tim mccarvers incessant yammering makes me want to eat poison. a LOT of it.'

all right, before i put this entire season to bed and never speak of it again, here are my issues with last nights game.

1-moose. MOOSE. i mean, dude...how could you? we left you in CALIFORNIA for like, four days to get in top form. you should have been the fucking terminator out there, instead you gave up five runs in 2 2/3rds innings, and then we had to bring in RANDY FUCKING JOHNSON to save your ass. you know, the guy who is responsible for us even having to BE in cali anyway? yet the night before, we get a stellar outing from shawn chacon, a guy who's never pitched in the postseason. what is happening here????

2-the bubba crosby/gary sheffield collision in center field. the most horrific image i have been forced to burn into my brain, since...i don't know, maybe since mo let the arizona diamonbacks unload on him to lose the world series in 2001? can't say. anyhow. just before this happened, actually, they showed gary sheffield out in right and i said to my sister, 'don't you think sheff is one of those guys who probably won't talk to any of the rookies?' and she was like 'yeah, he probably just grunts at them...'

and then two seconds later, sheff and bubba crosby are having an intimate moment at the center field wall. i think someone shoulda been calling someone else off, and if they were, that someone should have been listening. hands down, the turning point of the game. we were like bitches after that. we got emasculated in the middle of the outfield in front of six trillion A's fans and hundreds of thousands of television viewers. we just weren't o.k.

speaking of just not o.k., i really do hope that ol' bub can get over this. i am worried...i picture him at home right now, contemplating ways to make himself disappear. and yeah, i am pretty upset about it, but i'll get over it. and i don't want this to be the sort of thing that ruins that boy's career. because even though he now has carnal knowledge of gary sheffield's inner thigh, he's still got a lot of potential.

that brings us to 3-
ok, so, what the fuck is up with the entire batting order except for derek jeter going to sleep in the clutch? he can't do this by himself, people. dj goes and gets himself on in the top of the ninth, just like he's fucking supposed to because he's DEREK JETER and we're the motherstinkin' NEW YORK YANKEES, and then a-rod comes up... you know, the guy who led the league in homeruns, rbi's, doubles, triples, quadruples, etc. etc.

what does he do, after going 0-4 for the night? HE GROUNDS INTO A DOUBLE PLAY. yes, that's right. i'm not gonna say it again. it's almost inconceivable. i mean, this is the dude who should be pulling some crazy shit out of his ass in that moment. like CRAZY earth shattering shit. he should be driving a hole through that stupid waterfall thing they have out there in the outfield. but at least, if you're gonna go out like a punk, keep everyone else out of it. one out is more than enough.

instead, a-rod basically hands them the ballgame, signed, sealed, delivered. why the fuck did we even bother to come to anaheim? how can we play a game like the one we played in new york the night before, and then turn in a ridiculous performance like last night? it just doesn't compute.

and you know, in randy johnson's defense(not that anyone should have to defend anyone making that much money to throw a fucking baseball), he came in last night in the third and threw 4 clean innings of three up three down ball, and our fucking bats DIDN'T DO SHIT.

i'm mad, can you tell?

quote of the evening, via a. ball:

tim mccarver(after the crosby/sheff collison) "THE YANKEES ARE LUCKY THAT WASN'T AN INSIDE-THE-PARK HOME RUN."

a. ball "what? why would that even be an issue? i mean, it's not like one of them lost conciousness."