we had our first wrir news meeting tonight and it was pretty damn cool, if you ask me. i'm excited to be a part of this; not only is it something that really interests me, but it's also just beginning, and i feel like there's a lot of potential for this to be really great. obviously, it's going to take a little time, as far as organization and everyone figuring out what their primary role is going to be and whatnot, but all that will iron itself out. there's just a really great feeling there, at the studio. a feeling that there is something going on, and that it's only just getting started. good stuff.
naturally, i'm battling my normal social anxiety demons but i'm winning, so that's cool. getting my ass to the meeting was a huge step, and it's definitely the steps that count. i absolutely loathe the way i turn into a freaked out mess when i have to speak in front of a group, though. it's so ridiculous, and there have been very few occasions in my life where i've managed to clear the initial public-speaking hurdle and stop the cold sweats from happening. i'm determined that this will be one of those times.
people i've met in richmond, upon learning that i am a new york transplant, are often curious as to why i moved here, and especially here, since most of them seem to think that it must be a shock to my system to leave that for this. i usually answer their query with some form of the same answer, which is based in truth, but tweaked to accomodate the situation(another thing i wish i didn't feel the need to do); that is, i moved here for a change of venue, and i picked richmond because i have family, or should i say, two members of my family, here.
to elaborate, i moved to richmond because i geniunely liked it, and a year and some months later, i still do. i visited my sister here about six months or so before i decided to move, and there was just something about richmond that appealed to me. time has defined that "something", i suppose. i like the way it feels here; there is a certain relaxation of attitude and atmosphere that intensely appeals to me. to say that richmond takes things less seriously than new york is correct, although it sounds wrong; i don't think it is a concious effort to take things less seriously, as much as it is just a long-standing and widely accepted way of doing things. maybe that's just the way i percieve things, but it's definitely the sense i get from my newly adopted city. either way, it has so far been an excellent host for my current state of mind, as i wade through the end of my twenties and start defining what is truly important to me.
which brings me to another reason for why i moved, this one less city-specific, and really about movement in general, as opposed to where one winds up. i grew up in new york, minutes from most anything you can think of, the majority of which went under-utilized by yours truly. i suppose it's a case of not being able to truly see things when you're up close, too close, perhaps, for too long. i have but one goal for my life at this juncture, and it may prove to be the only goal i ever have, or it may take on many permutations as i proceed onward, but that is to simply get as much out of my life as i can. i look around me and i worry about all the things i am not doing, and i fear that there are things about me, about my personality, that hold me back from doing all the things i truly wish i could do, or at least i think i wish i could do. and it is a constant battle in my brain to realize that getting the most out of my life simply entails that i be fully and completely in the moment at hand. that i truly appreciate every situation i am a part of, whether it be riding the bus to work, or seeing a musician who's work i admire up close, or reading a book on a subject i previously knew little about, or sitting on my front porch watching the scene on an evening in the springtime. whether it be suddenly finding myself transfixed by the ending of a college basketball game i know hardly anything about, but the gravity of which becomes instantly palpable when you look into the faces of the guys on the screen and you see the scarcity of seconds on the clock in the bottom corner or thinking about things that might be considered far more pressing than just a basketball game. sometimes i feel overwhelmed by my lack of focus, intimidated by it, but i suppose there is little i can do but accept it as my present state of being, and try to get as much from it as i can. if anything, richmond is responsible for bringing me closer to being okay with that.
No comments:
Post a Comment